Of Light and Darkness

This Diwali was different.

Not in the way that we didn’t burst crackers or that we didn’t light up the house. That we’ve never been big on, anyway. The crackers give me a throat infection that lasts weeks. And while I do buy earthen lamps every year, I am too lazy to go about lighting them. So I gift them to my maid instead. Also, it is always such a pain to find the lights from the junkyard that is our store room, then put them all over the house, and then take them down a few days later. People who know me know how much a resist any physical work which can be avoided. Besides, for the last few years Diwali has been coinciding with the month of Moharram, giving my laziness another excuse.

But this one was different. It needed to be.

My father has come over to stay with us a while. He is unwell and needs some detailed medical attention, so we urged him to come over. Actually, we have been urging him for the last two years and it has worked only now.

Then, on the day of Diwali, we managed another coup. Convinced him to finally switch over to a smart phone from the old QWERTY ones he has been using till date. He had been resisting the move. But “It’s Diwali!” and a couple of other emotional blackmailing clichés worked. Although, barely ten minutes with the gadget and he seemed to be hooked. It was quite a sight really; my four year old teaching his sixty-five year old grandfather how to navigate through the maze of icons. As my father gleefully ‘Whatsapped’ Diwali wishes to his friends and acquaintances, my eyes fell on his quivering fingers and his shaking hands. I gulped down a surge of emotions and pretended to get busy, continuing to dust.

The things is, two months ago during my father’s medical checkup, the doctor confirmed what we had suspected for a while. My father is developing Parkinson’s. We never discussed this with him and something tells me, we didn’t need to. He expected it too. My grandfather seemed to have Parkinson’s, although it was never checked and confirmed. He lived on to a mostly healthy and blessed ninety years. So a few tremors towards the end of his life didn’t get a lot of attention or raise concerns.

Because of a couple of other medical complications, my father cannot be put on Parkinson’s medication. Thankfully, his condition isn’t progressing as severely. He is still quite agile and active. He maintains his body weight so as to not let obesity hamper his nimbleness. And so, while Parkinson’s lurks somewhere in the corner, it hasn’t yet overshadowed his life. It won’t, for a while; especially if he continues to be this active, the doctor decrees. It’s a relief to hear that. Minor relief - but yes, a relief nonetheless.

Hence came the smart phone idea. It would be a good exercise for his hands. Now, just like we had hoped, he’s constantly found fiddling with his newly acquired gadget, like a teenager. He tries to keep his hands stable and use his fingers better. So far, so good.

Also, this Diwali, I finally decided to light a few of those lamps I bought. But I refused to buy the readymade wicks. “We have the time, let’s make’em on our own! It would be fun, wouldn’t it?” I suggested. Of course, at the time when we were actually required to make them, I conveniently remembered that I had still not dusted the bookshelves. Trust a mother of a determined toddler to come up with just the right excuses to get one to do what she wants. So the task of making wicks from cotton now rested on my father’s and my son’s shoulders. I knew, that too would be good exercise for his hands. My son, a Playdoh virtuoso quite enjoyed the process. My father and his trembling hands took a while, but caught on as well. I don’t know if that one hour of activity was successful in pushing the degenerative disease back in any way. I can only hope it did. And that I can keep thinking of such small activities every day.

Should life be eternal? Do we really want our parents to be around, forever? Hard to say 'Yes', when you can see their body and mind failing them every day. It is a hard thing to come to terms with. But one needs to. Because there is nothing one can do about it. Expect pulling small coups and lighting a few lamps.

Besides, isn’t that what Diwali is all about – a celebration of light as well as darkness? At least it should be. Because without one, the other cannot exist. And the day we make peace with that fact, everything becomes a little easier to handle.

#Diwali #Family #Life #Parkisonss